


The Witch and the Con Man

by RamblesandDragons



Category: Gravity Falls, The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol, Canon will screw with a lot of this I bet, Curses, Depression, F/M, Gambling, Hurt/Comfort, I make up things about Eda's past as we go, I make up things about magic as we go, I started this before I knew about the implied Marilyn thing, I was too insipred by all the art, It doesn't go beyond kissing don't worry, Kissing, Looked at my outline and said screw it I’m sticking with my plan lol, Mutual Pining, Post Weridmageddon, Pre series, Stan's Past, Swearing, headcanons, no update schedule
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23079592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamblesandDragons/pseuds/RamblesandDragons
Summary: Stanley Pines hated the winters the most.Eda feels like she's always on the run.One particularly cold winter Stanley Pines has a visitor to The Mystery Shack.
Relationships: Stan Pines/ Eda Clawthorne
Comments: 89
Kudos: 231





	1. An Interuption

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I had to do it. It was hard picking this idea over the other one I had but I was too inspired by all the cool fan art I've been seeing. This is going to maybe be a long one with no real update schedule. I will add warnings as I go along.  
> As always I have no editor and I am terrible at grammar. If you see any mistakes let me know. Comments are also always appreciated! 
> 
> In my head the first two chapters take place sometime between The Intruder (Episode 4) and Something Ventured, Someone Framed (Episode 9)  
> 
> 
> You can also follow me on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ramblesanddragons)

Luz ran through the bright light of the portal door expecting to be in a rundown old house, abandoned to time. She was still in a rundown old house but this one was warm and filled with life. It was also filled with people staring at her entrance. Eda came crashing into her and they both toppled to the floor as the portal folded and closed behind them. 

"Eda, where are we?" Luz asked with a thin breath as Eda struggled to get off of her.

"Same place you came...oh oops...guess I was thinking about the last time I used to the portal to run from the cops."

"Ha  ha that my  doods is a special little trick I like to throw into every tour or so." A man wearing a fez said. He walked over to Luz and helped her up.

"Give a hand to our guest performers!"

"Guest witches!" Luz corrected.

"Give a hand to our guest witches! And now if you follow me, you'll see some of our creepier collections are this way" The man said without missing a beat. The crowd applauded as the man continued to talk and lead them away from where Luz and Eda were awkwardly standing. 

"Luz, we need to get out of here...hey!" Eda tried to grab at Luz's hoodie to drag her away but the young girl slipped just out of her grasp.

"Wow these look like some of the projects I used to make for school." Luz said admiring the handiwork. None of the models she made for school were ever this big. 

"Oh God some of these things have gotten uglier over the years," Eda said with disgust.

"What's gotten uglier over the years it sure is heck isn't me?"

The witches' heads snapped to the door. Another man was standing there with his arms crossed. He was older with a big nose and his body was large enough to take up most of the door frame. He leveled a look at the two of them that made Luz gulp.

"Oh, hey Stan!" Eda said with a smile.

There was a slight pause. “ Eda, right?" The man asked.

"Wait...you don't remember? How do you  _ not _ remember me?"

The man she called Stan laughed a bit and shook his head, "Calm down I do remember. It's just a bit jumbled."

"You've gotten old," Eda snarked.

"So, have you," Stan snarked back.

"Hey! You can just call a lady old!" Luz stepped out from behind Eda.

"Stanley!" A new voice yelled from down the hall. There was the sound of pounding footsteps and another man came sliding into view of the door frame. This one was a clone of the first but leaner and with fluffier hair. He also had a gun held aloft in his hand. Luz shrieked, "Ah murderous clones!" and stumbled back. Eda placed herself between Luz and this clone, her staff held high ready to cast a spell. Stan grabbed the clone's hand and forced the gun down.

"Hey Sixer it's okay!"

"Soos just informed me two people just stepped out of a portal with a yellow eye attached! Nothing is okay!" The clone hissed.

"Oh. Oh yeah, I guess that would set you off. Look I know they're not evil well okay the broad might be evil but she's alright."

"You know this how?" 

"Easy. She's my ex-wife."


	2. Cozy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids run off to get everything ready for a story and the adults have a few revelations for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm experimenting with being able to see into multiple characters POVs in the same chapter. I normally do one POV per chapter so I hope this translates okay. It'll get easier when we're just with Stan and Eda.  
> Enjoy the fluff for now!
> 
> As always I have no editor and I am terrible at grammar. If you see any mistakes let me know. Also, let me know if I miss a tag as well. Comments are also always appreciated! 
> 
> You can also follow me on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ramblesanddragons)

Luz stared at Eda. Ex-wife? She knew her mentor had a few exes but an ex-husband? She was married? 

“You were married?” The clone choked out. 

“My thoughts exactly,” Luz piped up. 

There was the sound of more running and two new people appeared in the doorway. A boy and a girl around Luz’s age with similar faces. Suddenly Luz’s mind drifted to the Blight twins. 

“Oh twins! Sorry I called you a clone mister.” 

Ford had lowered his gun but the grip on it was still white knuckled until the girl spoke. He softened a bit seeing no yellow in her eyes. 

“Um no worries. You should always be on the lookout for evil clones.” 

“Twins,” Eda whispered. 

“Yeah finally got this guy back,” Stan said with a look of pride on his face. 

Stan and Eda were sharing a moment that much was obvious until one of the younger twins in a sparkly sweater spoke up. 

“Hey who was married? Why is Grunkle Ford all stressed? Is it more supernatural stuff because we’ve only been here for 15 minutes and that would be a new record? I mean haven’t even seen Wendy yet!” 

“Sorry pumpkin. This is Eda and.... 

“Luz Noceda!” 

“Nice to meet ya. Anyway, Eda is my ex-wife.” 

“WHAT!?” The girl let out a shriek. The boy with a lumberjack looking hat on his head looked confused. 

“Grunkle Stan...is she human?” 

“Oh my God Dipper you can’t just ask people if they’re human!” 

“Mabel, I knew watching that movie with you was a bad idea,” Dipper grumbled. Luz laughed. 

“No human boy. I am Eda the Owl Lady the most powerful witch...” 

“If we could get back to the main concern,” Ford said. Eda huffed at the interruption. 

“Ford, trust me. I wouldn't let someone dangerous...okay she can be dangerous...anyone like that nacho chip anywhere near my family. Please relax.” 

Ford looked over their unwelcomed guests. The girl was nervous but still held on to a warm smile. The women was still standing between them with her own curved smile on her face, daring him for a fight. Something about it was very Stan like. He finally holstered his gun. 

“I trust you Stan but I’d like some context,” he finally said. 

“Still running from the cops babe?” Stan asked with a devilish grin. 

“Always,” she replied. 

“Oh yeah I can see how this happened.” Dipper deadpanned. 

“More context than that please?” 

“Alright let’s clear out and let Soos get through the last tour of the day. You want pizza...assuming you’ll stay a bit?” 

“Can we Eda? I want to hear about your tragic lost love! King is having a spa day at the house and we need to wait for the guards to give up looking for us.” 

“Tragic lost...ugh.” Eda gave Stan a glance and found herself not rejecting the idea to her own frustration. Out of all of her exes Stanley Pines didn’t give her the same kind of gross regret the others did. Had she missed him? The thought annoyed the hell out of her. 

“Yeah we’ll stay but we have to leave tonight.” 

The group slowly migrated to the kitchen. Mabel had a million questions, Dipper was observing Eda making note of her ears, Ford was also keeping a close eye on Eda but for other reasons, but Luz could tell that Eda and Stan were only really looking at each other. 

“Hey Grunkle Stan do you know magic after being married to a witch?” Dipper asked. 

“No never touched the stuff.” 

“I know a little magic! I can show you if you want,” Luz said. 

Any reservations Dipper had were gone now. “Yes please!” 

The kids were off like a shot to the den. 

“Dipper! Mabel! Be careful oh they’re gone. Magic can be unstable...” 

“Don’t worry ‘murderous clone’ it’s just a light spell.” Eda said. 

“My name is Ford,” he grumbled as he grabbed the phone to order the food. 

Eda walked around the kitchen and finally sat on the counter. “So Stan you found your brother, redecorated, and had problems with nacho chip?” 

“A demon really.” Stan sat at the table and Ford tried to order pizza while still listening. 

“Pfft I live with one how bad could it have been?” 

Ford nearly dropped the phone. 

“Oh, you got a roommate? Good. Guessing he’s not your boyfriend then?” Stan appreciated how much Ford trusted him in the fact that he was trying to go on with the order like he didn’t hear that the lady sitting on their counter lived with a demon. 

“Oh hell no. Just a roommate. Cute little guy though, he’s been a good friend. Luz can show you a picture on her thingy.” 

“Glad you listened and got a friend. Look I don’t remember what you told me about how demons work where you're from but I’m going to go ahead and fill you in on why my brother is fighting back a conniption.” 

Eda could have sworn the room got colder as Stan recounted the summer his mind got erased. The sun had started to go down but there was an unnatural chill in the room. His brother filled in a few details here and there and by the end, Eda had a clearer picture of the hell Stan had gone through for his twin’s sake. She wasn’t the least bit surprised that he did what he did. It was just so Stan. 

“Yeah none of the demons in the Boiling Isles are like that,” she finally said. 

“Boiling Isles? Well demon was a word I always attributed to him anyway for lack of a better one. I do recall the citizens of your dimension are more akin to our classic idea of demons.” 

Stan’s head snapped to Ford, “You were there?” 

“About 7 years before you pulled me out. I only stayed for a day the boiling rain was going to kill me.” 

Ford immediately regretted telling the two of them that. Stan looked heart broken and for the first time this Eda woman had a look of something other than smug on her face. She looked devastated. 

“Damn it. If only we’re ran into each other I could have gotten you back sooner. Stan I’m sorry.” 

“Nah don’t worry about it toots.” The smile had returned to Stan’s face. “I got him back and dealt with the bastard that had been harassing him. In the end he’s home and I’m happy.” 

Stan and Ford shared a smile and Eda relaxed a bit. Ford was still hesitant but having some background helped him distance this woman from Bill. Now perhaps he could ask some questions. 

“How did you get a door to this dimension? Is it because our dimension and yours are deeply connected? Is it true giraffes are from your dimension?” 

Eda laughed, “Those are a lot of questions with long answers and I think your dinner is here. Besides, you get one story out of me and I think the kids want a certain one.” 

The delivery guy had indeed rang the doorbell. The walked to the door to collect the food. 

“You might need to help me with some bits but I hope you get why now. I could never forget you Eda.” 

“Stop being so mushy you old man.” 

“Whatever you say Red.” 

Ford could swear he could see Eda blushing a bit. She then stuck out her tongue at Stan who repeated the gesture right back. 

_Oh God they’re like children,_ Ford thought exasperated. 

By the time the adults reached the den, it had been transformed. There were fluffy pillows on the floor and many small glowing lights floating in the air. It was cozy. Luz watched amused as everyone settled in and started to eat. A pig named Waddles lazily chased after the lights. If he popped one Dipper would make a new one. 

“Look Grunkle Ford!” The boy drew the glyph onto a piece of paper that became a small, warm light. 

“Good job my boy.” 

The man in the fez from before, Soos, came in with his wife Melody and settled in comfortably. 

“Man, the tourists ate that appearing act up. Can you teach me how to do that?” Soos asked. 

“Uhhhhh that’s a little advanced,” Luz turned to ask Eda but stopped when she was that she was deep in a conversation with Stan. 

The last person to join was a girl with bright red hair and a baseball cap on. 

“Okay shop’s locked. What’s up little witch I’m Wendy.” The girl flopped onto the floor, grabbed a slice of pizza, and swapped hats with Dipper. 

“’bout time I got to see you!” She said and Dipper laughed. 

“It’s been a busy day,” Mabel said with a gulp of her pizza. 

The only person not really laughing and talking was not murderous clone that was really named Dr. Stanford Pines. Luz felt bad, she didn’t know what about them stressed him out so much but she had an idea to help. Grabbing Eda’s staff, she unhooked Owlbert and set him free to the surprised gasps of the Pines. The little owl fluttered a moment before settling onto Ford’s head. 

“Owlbert likes owlish people,” Luz whispered to the younger twins and they giggled. 

“I’m not sure why people insist I remind them of an owl...” 

“Nothing wrong with that,” Luz said. 

Ford fussed with the little guy for a moment before placing him on his shoulder. The two shared a wide-eyed gaze and for the first time Ford cracked a smile. 

“You may stay if you remain on my shoulder.” 

“Hoo!” Owlbert settled into the fabric of the man’s sweater. More laughter filled the room. 

As everyone ate and chatted Stan and Eda observed the room. Stan was in his normal seat which, being a gentleman, he offered to Eda but she declined opting to sit on the T-Rex skull. 

“So Pines, what’s all this?” The witch motioned to the kids on the floor and his twin petting an owl. 

“My family.” The words were warm and she could hear the genuine happiness behind them. 

“Not so lonely any more huh?” 

“Looks like you aren’t either,” Stan said coyly. 

“Maybe.” 

“Not much luck with the dating thing huh?” 

“Nope. Every one of my exes are absolute as...jerks. Except you...mostly.” 

Stan felt a sadness at that. He had honestly been madly in love with her no matter what she felt in return. When they parted it had hurt like hell but it was she wanted. He had at least hoped she would have found someone in a romantic sense. Maybe had a family. He looked over at this Luz kid as she told stories to his family about her time with Eda so far and smiled. Recalling how Eda had placed herself between the kid and Ford brought a warm feeling to his chest. Maybe she had made a family all her own anyway. So, she wasn’t alone anymore and that was the important thing. 

“Hahaha maybe you should try playing for the same team. It’s not so bad somethings.” 

“Pfffft I wish it’d make life so much easier.” 

“Okay so your living with a demon and a human kid. Didn’t kidnapper her or somethin’?” 

“No, she’s free to go whenever she wants. She wants to learn to be a witch and I’m her teacher.” 

“Then there’s no hope for her.” 

“Shut it. Anyway, she’s grown on me, I guess. (Stan internally cheered “Knew it!”) It’s weird she can make friends everywhere she goes. Imagine all the hard work of being nice like that?” 

Stan’s focus landed on who Eda had been told were his grandniece and nephew. “If that’s true then she’ll do you some good.” 

“Sure, sure.” 

"How's that uh what did you call it...skin condition?" Eda gulped. Stan didn't sound frighted though, only curious.

"Under control but that's why we can't stay all night."

"Fair enough. Glad you're okay."

 _Wow he's really not worried about it maybe I could have_ _no stop it don't do this to yourself Edalyn._

While Stan and Eda chatted, the room had grown quieter. The pizza was finished and the lights twinkled around the room. Mabel had dragged Ford onto a pillow closer to the kids and the owl had gone ahead and moved back up to his hair. Eda and Stan suddenly felt 7 pairs of eyes watching them. 

“Okay. Storytime!” Mabel leaned onto her arms and looked up expectantly. 

Eda and Stan chucked. 

“Take it away Pines.” 

“Okay it started half a lifetime ago....” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with are framing device set up let the story really begin.


	3. The Winters are Lonley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eda and Stan's first meeting in an interesting one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took forever! Sorry for the wait!
> 
> Thank you so much to my beta  
> [Alverrann!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alverrann/pseuds/Alverrann)

Winter some time ago. 

Too long he had been at this. So many years and he had nothing to show for it. Well, that wasn't exactly true. If he was being nice to himself (a rarity) he would admit he had a successful business to show for it. More successful than his Pa had ever been, but still not a millionaire. Didn't matter though, his Pa had been dead 4 years. Nothing he did really mattered since it was built on lies anyway. Sure, The Mystery Shack was successful, but he was a failure. 

So many years and he still hadn't gotten Stanford back. 

Stan sighed into his drink as he tried to wrap his head around the physics book in his hand. The first half of the thing was covered in his handwritten notes, a poor attempt to translate the material into shit he could understand. Not like he was planning to return it to the store he swiped it from, anyway. Would this book give him the insight all the other ones he had struggled through failed to do? Probably not. 

But he had to keep trying. 

The con man shivered as he wrapped his blanket closer to himself. He hated winter: the long nights that let the cold of the season seep into his bones and make everything hurt, and the piles and piles of snow that confined him to this house. He couldn’t even _work_. Saving enough to make it from the day after Halloween to late spring was a pain in the ass, but no one would come to Oregon in winter. Hell, at least during the tourist season he would have something to look forward to during the day. A pang of guilt hit his heart as that thought crossed his mind. He should have been looking forward to seeing his brother again - since during the winter he could focus one-hundred percent of his time on the portal - he shouldn't have been complaining. 

The old man stood, and his joints cracked as he moved to add more wood to the woodstove. It was cold in the Shack even with him keeping the heating on despite the costs (it was even colder in the lab which is what had driven Stan to study above ground.) He couldn’t save Ford if he froze to death. 

Just as he tossed on the last log there was a tremendous noise from the musem downstairs. Stan immediately went still and gulped. The noise didn’t repeat but it had been too loud to blame on the Shack settling under the heavy snow. On light feet he made his way back to his bed and reached for the pistol underneath it. It had been long enough that Stan had started to think his past might not catch up with him, but as he tip-toed down the stairs, he began to question that line of thinking. 

Even though it was midday, the Shack was dark. The snowstorm had long since blotted out the sunlight, and it made Stan even more on edge. As he came closer to the museum, he could hear a noise in the darkness. 

Heavy breathing. 

When his eyes adjusted to the gloom, he took a chance at peeking around into the room, the pistol held tight against his chest. A door with a slight yellow glow - that Stan was certain had not been there earlier in the day - was placed in the middle of the room. Beside it a figure was bent over, panting from a lack of breath. He couldn’t tell who they were, however, their form hidden by some sort of cloak. 

So, unless Rico had gotten a strange fashion sense in the past few years, Stan counted this person out as being connected to him. This eased the tightness in his chest a little bit, though that didn’t mean that whatever this was wasn’t going to be a problem. He had lived in Kookytown, USA for long enough to know that weird stuff was everywhere. 

Dangerous stuff. 

So, his options were to hide and attack if they got close or turn on the lights and face them directly. Stan stood tall and flipped the light switch. He’d never been one for hiding, really. The figure in the cloak spun on their heel to face Stan and he let out a small gasp. 

It was a woman under the cloak. The first thing that caught his eye was the giant amount of vibrant, fluffy, red hair she had; It almost looked like too much for her petite frame to carry upright, there was just so _much_ of it. Her skin was pale and contrasted to the red dress she was wearing under the cloak. The wildest part of all was the slight fang poking out of her mouth and the pointed ears she was sporting. 

Ignoring those ears, she was kind of hot. 

The startled woman held a staff tight in her grasp and braced herself for a fight. She had a fierce look on her face, daring Stan to do anything more than breathe. 

Yeah, she was really hot. 

“Uh ... hello?” 

No answer. 

“Nice, uh ... hair … ya got there.” 

Still nothing. 

“Look, Lady, can ya at least let me know if I’m having a wild hallucination or something?” 

“Buddy, you couldn’t even dream up someone like _me_.” 

Eda looked the man over who had startled her. She was trying her best to hide it, but she was a little concerned. This was supposed to be an empty house. Of course, she had only had the key for a month or so; mistakes were bound to happen. The not-empty house she found herself in had an array of strange statues and displays that looked to be made from spare parts of various creatures. She couldn’t tell what, her heart was pounding too fast. It didn’t bode well, though. Eda firmly believed that today just wasn’t going to be her day. It felt like she was doomed to be snatched up by her sister as the Emperor’s lackey, or chopped up by some psycho human. Not that she couldn’t handle a _little_ chopping up, but she didn’t want to test how much she could survive today. 

The possibly psycho human staring her down was a slightly less intimidating sight: he was bundled up in thick pajamas and a robe with slippers adorning his feet. What really drew Eda’s attention, though, were his eyes. The hard look he had thrown her way when they first locked gazes had softened to something a little more mischievous. The other draw on her focus was the silver object he held at his side. The witch had no idea what it was but her only safe guess was a weapon. 

“I don’t know, dreaming about gorgeous women is kind of a hobby of mine.” The human said slyly. He leaned on the frame of the entryway. Ugh, he was one of _those_ types. 

“Keep dreaming, Human.” 

“Human? That implies that you’re _not_ human.” 

Eda wiggled her ears a bit and the human smiled. No point in hiding it. He had relaxed his body, but Eda was not falling for that. 

“Alright, Doll. How about we both relax and just talk, huh? No need to be so keyed up.” 

“I’m not planning to be on display anytime soon.” 

“Dis- … oh. Oh, these are all fake. Make them from junk I find. Look.” 

He moved and Eda reacted. A circle was drawn, and a small stream of fire went sailing towards the human. He yelped and leapt out of the way, leaving a scorch mark on the wall behind him. This gave the witch a second to consider her options. 

Go back through the door - where she had just been surrounded by Emperor's guards and her sister (who was itching to prove herself) - _or_ run out into the human world and try and hide until the heat died down. The idea of seeing her sister again sent her running out of the room, compressing the portal door as she went. 

The house was dark, but she could see light streaming through a nearby window – handily attached to a door - and followed it out. Bursting through the door, her feet immediately hit ice; this sent her skidding and falling flat on her back with a loud thud. Scrambling to stand Eda took in the world around her. It was cold, bitterly so, and the wind was howling. Snow fell hard from the grey sky. There was a tree line not too far ahead that she considered making a break for but how deep was that snow? She wasn’t dressed for this weather, and even with magic she didn’t know how long she could make it in the blizzard. Long enough to go back home, she hoped. 

Stan had hit the wall hard in trying to dodge the fire. This lady could throw _fire_! He knew about the little living campfires out there in the wilderness, but this was new. He stood and groaned at the new scorch mark in his wall he would have to get fixed. The crazy lady had left the room at a full sprint. He was half tempted to just let her go and run straight into the blizzard, but his feet followed her out anyway. 

The con man had recognized the look in her face right before she had attacked. Fear. She was putting on a strong mask of confidence, but she was afraid. He just couldn’t be too mad about that; he’d been there way too many times before. He _could_ be mad about his scorched wall, though. Pocketing the gun, he followed the Fire Lady out the front door. 

The blizzard had gotten worse since this morning. The bitter air cut through him like a knife as he carefully stepped out onto the porch - avoiding the ice - and closed the front door. The lady in question was only a few feet from the porch trying to trudge through snow that was almost up to her thigh. 

“Hey! Ya can’t just burn a hole in a man’s wall and run off! Ya gotta pay for that!” 

“No way! I’m not staying here and getting chopped up!” She shouted defiantly as she stepped into a small divot and tumbled face-first into the snow. 

“I was trying to tell ya they were _fake_!” Stan rolled his eyes hard when all he got was a muffled response. “Yer gonna die out in this storm, Lady! Come back and we can talk!” 

She finally managed to get out of the deeper snow and brushed herself off. Even from where he stood, Stan could see her shaking. She held out her staff and the wings on the figurehead spread out wide. Stan’s jaw dropped as she hopped onto it like a witch with a broom. 

Witch. 

Yeah, that seemed like a good fit. The witch tried to take off - and had gotten a good yard off the ground - before a nasty gust of wind sent her toppling back down. She landed face-first into the snow again. For a second Stan thought he was going to have to run out there and see if she was still breathing, but she finally popped back up. Slowly she made her way back to the Shack. Stan stood there with crossed arms as she stopped just short of the porch. 

“Touch me and I will set you on fire, Human.” 

“That’s fine, I wasn’t planning on it. Care to come in and _not_ freeze to death?” 

Stan opened the door again and gave the woman plenty of space. As she walked in, she shook the snow from her body like a bird. He could hear the chattering of her teeth. 

“Want something warm to drink?” Stan didn’t wait for an answer as he made his way to the kitchen. The lady followed after a moment. 

The human’s kitchen was a mess, but Eda’s kitchen was often like that too, so who was she to judge? As the human got a pot out and started to work, Eda looked around. On one of the counters there were bits and pieces of what looked like an animal. With a closer look, though, it became clear that it was just some sort of stuffed animal in the process of having fake scales sewn onto it. 

“The idea behind that one is what happens when a bear eats too much fish. Not sure if it’ll pan out, but kids might think it’s cute and bug their parents to buy it.” The human grumbled out. 

Eda felt a slight flush of embarrassment for thinking all the stuff in the other room was real. What the hell was wrong with her? While she was thinking, a blanket appeared by her shoulder. 

“I think it’s clean enough. Here.” The human tossed it to her, and she studied it for a moment. Then she wrapped it around her cold shoulders. The tiredness of being chased so hard - and then running out into a storm - finally hit her body, and she let herself sit at the table. After about 5 minutes the human placed a cup of something down in front of her before putting some space between the two of them again. Eda curiously sniffed the drink. It seemed sweet. A taste confirmed that it was some sort of sweet drink. It didn’t taste half bad, so she started to gulp it down, letting the warmth settle in her body. The witch was acutely aware that the human was watching her over his own cup as he leaned onto the kitchen counter. 

“So, you can throw fire. That’s neat.” 

“I hate small talk.” 

“That’s not small talk, Doll. _I_ can’t throw fire!” 

“It’s magic.” 

“I knew that.” 

Another beat of silence. 

“Okay let’s start over, huh? I’m Stan.” 

“... Eda.” 

“Eda? Nice name. Okay Eda, can I ask how you got into my house?” 

“The portal dropped me off here. I thought it was an empty house. Sorry to burst in on your toy sewing opera ...” 

Stan barely registered when his mug crashed to the floor, but Eda jumped at the noise and tensed. Stan raised his hands in an innocent manner and then slowly bent down to pick up the shattered ceramic. 

“S-Sorry, but did ya say _portal_?” 

“Yes?” 

Eda didn’t get it: she had appeared out of nowhere in this guy’s house, thrown a ball of fire at his head, and tried to fly off, but the idea of a portal is what caused him to freak out? His brown eyes seemed desperate suddenly, and Eda could tell the amount of questions he had for her had just increased tenfold. 

“Where are ya from?” 

“The Demon Realm.” 

“You called me human. Ya know about humans. Are there any humans in this Demon Realm? Have you seen any?” She could tell he wanted to get closer but he seemed to be holding himself back. 

“Why do you want to know?” 

“Look this is important. _Very_ important. Whatever you need or whatever reason you’re here I can make it happen, but I _need_ to know if you’ve seen any other humans!” 

“I don’t want anything I was just … popping in for a visit.” Eda lied. 

“That’s a _lie_.” Stan snapped. 

“Okay, what do you want from me? I was on the run from the cops and needed a good place to hide!” To Eda’s upmost surprise Stan’s desperate expression broke as a snort of laughter tumbled out of his mouth. 

Stan took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. _That’s_ why she was so keyed up. Adrenaline was a hell of a thing; he remembered his days running from the cops all too well. This lady looked pretty tough, though, so it must have been a narrow escape to have shaken her up so badly. He needed to relax and not seem so desperate. 

“Look, believe it or not I know something about running from the law. I wasn’t always the upstanding citizen I am today. You can stay here until you feel like you can go back but I just need to know what you know about portals and humans.” 

“Why do you care?” 

“... It’s a hobby?” 

Eda sighed and finished her drink. She considered just leaving, but getting the door to open into The Owl House wasn’t something she had perfected yet, and if she landed back in Bonesborough she was screwed. Lily had taken her first assignment as a member of the coven a little overboard. 

_I want to help you!_

Eda scoffed at the memory. Okay so she would stay for a little bit and then hope she could focus enough to get the door to open in the Owl House. If not, maybe the guard’s presence wouldn’t be so heavy and she could run for her hideaway without exposing it. 

“What are your questions?” 

“Kay. This ‘Demon Realm’, … does it have any humans in it? Have you seen any at all?” 

“No, but our worlds are close to each other. Every myth you Humans have is caused by a little of our world leaking into yours.” 

“So, I can blame demons for the gnomes in my trash?” 

Eda blinked in surprise and something in her expression reminded Stan so much of Ford that he couldn’t decide if he wanted to laugh or cry. He eyed the staff she had been wielding realized that the winged figurehead was an owl. He wondered if those two would have gotten along. 

“Okay, question for you: how much do humans know about this stuff?” 

“You’re average Joe? Squat. Just myths and stuff. But here? Most of the folks know there’s weird shit out there; this town attracts the weird stuff.” 

“I wonder why?” 

Stan shrugged, but in truth he had an idea. Or, more accurately, Ford had an idea and Stan just learned it from reading Ford’s journal. He had a page of theories and most of them narrowed down to “weirdness magnet.” On the last few pages Ford had rambled about wanting to find the cause. A grand theory. But the last line just said: _continued in Journal 2 and 3_ (to Stan’s despair). 

“Anyway, getting back to your question I have never seen a human in the Demon Realm. I can’t say one has never been there - since it’s a big world and I only live in a part of it - but I doubt it.” 

“Where’d ya get that portal?” 

A smile crept onto the witch's face. “Won it in a game of Hexes Hold’em against a demon.” 

A pause. 

“It’s a card game.” 

“Oh, _impressive_. I like playing cards myself; I should play ya sometime. Does the portal go anywhere else?” 

“No. It’s just here and back.” 

Stan sighed. A part of him wanted to try and con his way into this Demon Realm and look for his brother, but there was no guarantee that it was where he’d ended up. Ford’s notes had mentioned something about multi-verse theory. If Stan understood it right, he could be in a world made of bubbles on the other side of existence. The portal downstairs at least had a tracking ability built in. If he could get it started it would bring Ford back from wherever he was. 

If he could get it started. 

The con man had hoped for a moment that this witch - who had appeared out of nowhere - had a working portal that could take him anywhere. He’d have been more than willing to search the multiverse for his brother, but that idea was out. Why had he even gotten his hopes up? 

“You okay, Hu- … Stan? You spaced out.” 

“Sorry. Thinking. Thanks for the info, anyway. You can stay as long as ya need.” 

“It won't be long.” 

There was another moment of awkward silence. 

“Want to show me those monstrosities?” Eda asked. What else was there to do? 

Stan’s eyes lit up, “Oh I can give you the Mystery’s Shack first ever personal tour!” 

Eda didn’t accept to _actually_ enjoy the tour, but Stan even bothered to change into what he said was his usual get up. Some sort of suit with a goofy hat. He didn’t look half bad if she was being honest, even if he was human. There was a touch of grey in his brown hair. How old was he? Eda knew jack about how humans aged but her guess was a little older than her. His nose was a little big, but it fit his face and he looked well built. Tall too. They were about the same height (at least if Eda wasn’t wearing the heels) which was weird because most people were shorter than her. As they walked, the embarrassment from earlier reappeared while she looked at some of the dumber displays. The guy was creative, though. 

She’d give him that. 

“And this the Uni _corn!”_ Stan said with enthusiasm as he unveiled the structure made of corn. There was a slight blush in his cheeks as Eda let out of snort of laughter. She had a nice laugh. 

“Wow, I really overreacted, didn’t I?” 

“Eh, it's fine. Adrenaline and panic can make ya see things that aren’t there. I remember one time I thought I was being chased by a vicious police dog, but it was just this lost fluff ball of a thing. Couldn’t hurt a fly. Got a nice reward for taking it to its home. What’s even better is the full wallet I managed to pick off the guy.” 

Eda laughed again and they walked back into the kitchen. “Well that was fun. I think that killed enough time. I should be getting back.” 

“Empty out that hair of yours first, Doll.” 

Eda bit her bottom lip, “I don’t know what you mean?” 

“Please, I’m an old hat at this thing! I saw you pocket some stuff from the gift shop.” 

“Look, I got this portal to find human stuff to hock back home. Can’t waste the trip! Anyway, are you really going to try and stop me?” She smirked. Stan laughed hard. 

“Hey, you still owe me for a new wall, Witch!” 

“Oh, will you look at that!” Eda pulled a key from her hair and clicked it. The door from before reappeared and she pulled it open. “It’s been fun.” 

“Ya’know if you need a hideout again, my place isn’t exactly busy right now.” Stan swallowed as soon as he’d said it. What the hell was he thinking? There was no way she’d be interested in a jerk like him. She was pretty and had magic and- and her being _her_ had been the most interesting thing to happen to him in months. He had forgotten his misery for a moment. Of course, he’d had to ruin it by opening his big mouth. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get cornered like that again, but I’ll keep it in mind.” For a moment, Eda didn’t want to leave. This guy was the first person she had enjoyed a decent conversation with in _months_. Most people she talked to lately were either people she was trying to sell to or guards she was hurling insults at. This was nice. But she couldn’t stay, there was no potion on her. It would be a while before the witch needed to drink it, but being unable to reach it if she needed it made her too nervous. Besides what would a guy like him see in her? She wondered how fast he would throw her out if he knew about the curse. 

“Hey, I just want my wall fixed.” 

“Sorry, Buddy. But hey, I’m sure you can turn it into a nice display! Later!” With that the witch walked through the portal and the door disappeared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon will probably mess with my ideas on how Eda got the door and the idea she had a learning curve figuring it out but this is an AU anyway sooooooo yeah. You can tell I started this whole thing in the winter months because of how much "I hate winter" energy there is through here lol  
> Also I had a chance to listen to Stan’s commentary in Land Before Swine and I can see how this idea got started. That is not where this story is going lol. I figure the thing in Vegas has already happened. Stan just has a type lol.


	4. So Here's The Deal...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eda is just not having a good week. Maybe a vacation is in order?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want you can follow me on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ramblesanddragons)
> 
> Thank you again to my wonderful beta reader [Alverann!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alverrann/pseuds/Alverrann)

(“Wait! Grunkle Stan, is that it?” 

“Of course not, Dipper, I was just pausing for dramatic effect!”) 

A few days passed and there was no sign of the witch, not that Stan hadn’t expected as much. Why the heck would she come back to this place? Try as he might to fix the scorch mark on the wall, he couldn’t make himself do it. If anything, it was proof he hadn’t dreamt the whole encounter up. Instead, he finally started on another project that he had been avoiding. 

Covering Ford’s room. 

His brother, the older one, was coming this summer with his family and Stan didn’t want to have to explain why there was a whole room in the house he never touched. Why there was a thick layer of dust covering all the books and science awards. He hated this room really; it was another reminder that his brother was gone and how he had failed to get him back. 

The weather had cleared enough that Stan could make it into town and back. The con man came trudging in with a layer of snow and the groceries. After putting dinner into the crockpot, he trudged across the house with the wallpaper. Slowly, Stan opened the door to the room and flipped the light. It was just like he’d left it after cleaning out all the paperwork. Cold and empty. Lifeless. 

_Just like Ford might be._

Stan physically shook the venomous and intrusive thought from his head. He couldn’t let himself think like that. Ford _was_ alive out there somewhere. He was too stubborn to just up and die. Stan had to at least hold onto that hope, because why the hell was he still going, otherwise? 

Sighing Stan took a final look around the room to check that he hadn’t missed anything. It was unlikely, since he’d practically tore the room apart to look for clues on saving his brother after the accident. He had even pulled up the floorboards one night in pure desperation. Fixing that had been a nightmare, but the ugly carpet his twin kept in here covered most of the rough patching he had done. 

Stan was almost done with his sweep of the room when he heard the same noise as the one from the other day come from downstairs. Startled from the noise in the silent house, he hit his head on the storage rack in the closet but couldn’t care less. Something inside of him felt instantly better at the idea of seeing Eda again. The con man knew it was dumb and stupid and he shouldn’t feel this way, but he also couldn’t stop himself. Thankful he was wearing real clothes this time, Stan made his way down the stairs at a leisurely pace. Didn’t want to look too excited to see her again. Flipping on the light he leaned casually in the doorway. Eda was kneeling on the floor breathing hard. 

“Couldn’t stay away huh, Red?” 

“Ha … yeah just give me a second.” 

There was a ragged quality to her breathing that instantly had Stan worried. He started to make his way over to her when he remembered how she had promised to set him on fire if he touched her. He kept his distance. 

“Do you need a hand?” 

“N-No, I got some help.” 

Stan watched as it looked like she was unhooking the top of her staff. A moment later an owl, a living breathing owl, let out a worried hoot. 

“Owlbert I- ... I need ...” The rest of the sentence came out garbled. She was so tired. Using that much magic had drained her faster than she’d thought it would. The magic she was teaching herself was powerful stuff, nothing like they taught in school. Then of course the emperor's goons showed up and she had to use _more_ magic to hightail it. Maybe being _this_ tired after something like that was normal but Eda had a hunch it was really connected to her curse. She’d had the damn thing long enough maybe she should know by now. Did Lily get this tired after a lot of casting? Eda figured she was never going to get a chance to learn. 

If the witch was being honest with herself, (not something she liked to do really) she would admit that lately there was a constant tiredness that seeped into her very bones. Was that exhaustion? Maybe she needed a vacation? Yeah that’s what normal folks did when they needed a break right? She contemplated all of this as Owlbert helped pull the golden potion out of her bag. Drinking as fast as she could, Eda started to relax a bit. At least if she passed out here, she wouldn’t wake up as that _thing_. Of course, she should probably ask if it was okay to pass out on Stan’s floor first. 

“Hey Stan. I think I’m going to take a nap.” 

Okay close enough. Eda’s eye lids were too heavy to talk anymore. 

Stan watched with curiosity as the witch drank some sort of something like her life depended on it. It was when she started to sway that he managed to kick start his brain into helping the poor woman. He got to her head before it fell too hard onto the floor. The woman was out like a light. Her dress was torn in a place or two and her arms were covered in scratches. It looked like she had just gotten into a fight at a bar, but she was probably too classy for what Stan used to call a hobby back in the old days. 

“Holy Moses Eda what the hell have ya been doing?” 

Eda’s only response was to snore. Well at least she wasn’t dead. 

“Red, you’re a strange one that’s for sure.” The owl hooted indigently at this statement. 

“Hey, I wasn’t saying that was a bad- … thing. … Can you _understand_ me?” 

The owl nodded. 

“When did my life get so weird?” 

The owl shrugged at this. Stan sighed and - as gently as he could - scooped the sleeping witch off the floor. The first thing to do was to get Eda somewhere clean to treat some of the cuts on her skin. That was going to be a problem. Stan wasn’t a disaster if you asked him, but he knew he was a slob. His bedroom was a mess. The kitchen table wasn’t clean. He couldn’t treat her right in the den recliner, so that left only one place. So up the stairs he went with Eda in his arms, laying her gently on the couch in Ford’s room. The little owl hopped up next to her and hooted sadly. 

“Uh stay here. I’ll be back.” Stan walked out of the room, muttering as he went. “I’m talking to an owl. What is _wrong_ with me?” 

In the next few minutes, he grabbed a first aid kit, some spare blankets, and a pillow. The owl stared at him while he worked - which was a little creepy - but it was her friend, so he wasn’t going to argue. After the cuts on her arms were treated, he placed the pillow under her head and covered her with the blankets. She muttered something in her sleep and then went back to snoring. 

Stan then went to fetch her stuff. To his surprise the door in the museum had closed itself into a small suitcase looking thing. He wasn’t going to touch that with a ten-foot poll, but he grabbed her staff and bag. The last thing he stopped for was a clean pair of sweats from his room, the smallest he had. They would still swallow her a bit but if she wanted something not torn to wear when she woke up, they would do. 

The con man couldn’t help but smile as he walked back into the room to find the little owl nesting on top of Eda. The thing was cute, he’d give it that. It opened one eye as he placed the stuff on the floor. 

“Come - uh - find me, I guess, if she needs anything. I’ll be downstairs.” The owl hooted softly as a response that Stan figured was something like an ‘okay.’ Was the little thing her familiar? Yeah that sounded witchy. Honestly Ford would know more about this stuff. Frustrated at that thought and suddenly very tired Stan flopped down into his recliner and flipped on the TV. It wasn’t very long before he drifted off to sleep himself. 

When Eda woke up, she was sore but at least comfy, until she realized she had no idea where she was. There was a panicked moment of throwing off the covers and bolting straight up until her memory caught up to her frazzled mind. She moaned in frustration remembering having to use the door to run from the law again. 

She looked around the room and it was not where she had passed out. There was a blanket over her and her had had been on a pillow. The scratches she had gotten from flying through the woods were bandaged. 

“Did Stan do this?” Owlbert hooted in response and a soft smile formed on Eda’s face. 

“Well he’s nice, I guess. Ugh, Owlbert, what am I going to _do_?” 

“Hoo hoo.” 

“I can’t just lock myself in the Owl House until they assign Lily to some sort of other task! Who knows how long that could take? I’ll go stir crazy!” 

“Hoot hoot hoot.” 

“I was thinking I need a vacation, sure, but here? I don’t have everything I need, and Stan probably doesn’t want a witch in his house.” 

“Hoo hoot!” 

“You’ll get my things? Hmm I guess that might work if you’re careful but Stan...” 

“Hoo.” 

“Just because he lives by himself doesn’t mean he’s lonely, Owlbert. I live by myself and I’m not lonely.” 

The Owl leveled her a look. 

“Okay well I’m not the best company.” 

“Hoo.” 

“Hush, you.” 

Eda stared at the ceiling for a moment. A vacation in the human world. It was certainly far enough away from her sister, but would Stan go for it? He’d probably want money, but did humans take snails? Well the easiest thing to do would be to ask and when he said no just head on back home. 

Finally finding it in her to stand Eda realized she was a bit of a mess. If Owlbert was going to get her stuff he’d have to get her some clothes. That’s when she noticed the outfit folded on a table next to the couch. Well it had to be warmer than a torn dress. 

Sneaking down the stairs Eda followed her nose. In the kitchen there was something that smelled amazing bubbling in some sort of pot. The temptation to dig right in was strong but Owlbert flew in the other direction, indicating that Eda should follow. She did and almost laughed when she found Stan sound asleep in a chair, his mouth open and snoring loudly. What really drew her attention though was the strange box in front of him. It was glowing and on the screen was this grey like image. Was it snow? She poked it and there was a bit of static. 

“Is this some sort of sleep magic?” 

“Huh, wh... what?” Stan startled awake. Eda turned wide eyed at him. 

“Oh hey, Red. How ya feeling?” 

“Better, I guess.” 

There was an awkward pause. Stan was still in the middle of waking up and Eda was trying to figure out how to thank him. It should be as easy as saying the two words, but the witch never did like asking for help in the first place. Saying thank you was harder. They started at each other a moment and Stan cleared his throat. 

“Glad the clothes kind of fit. Anyway, ya hungry?” 

“I’m fine.” Her stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. 

“’Kay, let’s eat.” Stan stood and Eda grimaced at serval cracking noised his body made. Lately her body had been doing too much of that too. Of course, nothing compared to the cracking and bending her body went through when ... 

_Nope, nope not going there._ _Food. F_ _ocus on food._

Stan poured out some of the stew and potatoes for Eda and then a bit for himself. He turned to the fridge and paused. Normally he’d have a beer with dinner and maybe he should offer one to her. Did witches drink? 

“I have water, cola, or beer. Nothing fancy, but you can have whatever.” 

“I’m more of a wine person myself. Water’s fine.” 

Okay they had alcohol in Demon land or whatever. Stan wondered if he should get a bottle of something next time he was out, but that would imply she’d be back. The con man didn’t want to get his hopes up. His guest poked at the food for a moment before she took a bite. Her face lit up as she proceeded to dig in, only taking a breath to tell him it was good before chowing down again. Without saying a word, he grabbed her empty bowl and gave her seconds which she also wolfed down. Stan could appreciate a girl with an appetite. 

After the meal was finished Eda got up and took the plates. Before Stan could protest, she turned on the sink and started to wash the dishes. 

“I can do that.” 

“ _I_ can do this, but don’t expect it to be a regular thing.” 

_Regular thing?_

More silence while Eda worked, and Stan’s mind reeled at the comment. Did she plan on coming back? After the dishes were done Eda sat back down and cleared her throat. 

“You didn’t need to patch me up, you know.” 

“Hey, you’ve already scorched my wall I don’t need to be cleaning blood out of the floorboards.” 

“Right.” 

“...So, _is_ this going to be a regular thing?” 

Eda let out a long sigh telling herself to get it over with. _Okay when I was a child, I was cursed...no that’s a terrible place to start. Don’t tell him that. My sister is after me to ...no that’s complicated._

“Eda?” 

“I’m wanted, all right?” She finally blurted out. 

“Yeah, I picked up on that. What’dya do?” 

“Pfftt, where to start? Running a stall without a permit, stealing … well, lots of things, but the biggest crime is not joining a coven.” 

“Coven? Isn’t that where a bunch of broads dance around naked under the full moon?” 

Eda let out a long, loud laugh. “Boy you humans have some crazy ideas. I wish, that sounds like more fun! No, once you get old enough, you’re supposed to join a coven. It’s the law, but I refused.” 

“What’s so bad about joining a club? I’m a part of one.” Stan nodded to the fez that was on the kichen counter. Sure, he didn’t hang out with the guys from the lodge much because they “didn’t like him” but they’d play cards every once in a blue moon. 

“It’s not a club. More like a job path. And while I don’t mind working, I mind what they do to you when you join. They seal your magic.” 

“I’m sorry, Doll, but I’m not catching on to the problem. They do what now?” 

Eda eyed her glass and went to the sink to fill it with water. “Imagine this is all the magic a witch can access. All the magic within me. When you join a coven ...” she poured out most of the water until only a little was left, “they cut off access to all that magic. If you join the Illusion Coven you can only do illusion magic. If you join the Plant Coven you can only do plant magic. Make sense?” 

“Yeah. You’re on a path in life and you’re stuck there because that’s what’s expected of you. I get that.” Somewhere in the back of Stan’s mind echoed to words of his principal telling his folks that he’d be scraping barnacles for the rest of his life. “Do people really put up with that? Can you opt out?” 

“Sure, if you want a bounty on your head. The only exception is being invited into the Emperor's Coven. _They_ let you keep your magic, but you must serve his whims. No _thank you_ . Magic isn’t supposed to be contained. It’s supposed to be _wild_ and _free_ and- … and I could go on a whole rant.” 

“Is this something you’re going to have to deal with forever then?” 

“I’ve been able to coast along until now. People in town don’t rat me out, but the coven has someone new who’s more than a little eager to get me.” 

There was something, just for a moment, that flickered across Eda’s face. A deep sadness or disappointment. Stan had a hunch Eda knew this eager new someone better than she was saying. Whoever they were they had her running a little ragged. There were circles under her eyes. Almost reminded him of his first few days here. Running too hard, struggling to keep his head above the water ... 

“So now what?” 

“My house is my normal hideout, but they’ve come a little too close to finding it recently.” 

“And ya need a new place to lie low until the new blood gets tired of ya.” 

“Yeah.” 

Stan looked her over. _Damnit Stan when did you get so soft?_

“Well if ya don’t mind that couch, ya can stay here a bit.” 

“... Really?” _Look at that I didn’t even have to ask. I must look pathetic._

_“_ Now you ain’t staying here for free. Might be closed for the winter but I’m still a businessman!” 

A little bit of a smile came to the corner of Eda’s lips. She couldn’t tell if he was serious or could pick up on her wounded pride, but she’d take it. 

“Alright. What do you want, human?” 

“Got any money?” 

“Do you take snails?” 

“Snails? Uhhh, no. Alright, how about this: the first thing you do is fix that wall ya messed up. The second is help me with my … research. Yeah, let’s call it that.” 

“Research?” 

“Yeah. Like I said this town’s full of crazy stuff. I go out into the woods to find display inspiration. Come with me and set anything that comes out of the woods with teeth on fire. We got a deal?” 

It was a crazy idea, but it could just work. Maybe she could be the key to finding the other journals. Or maybe she could keep the crazy shit that wanted to take a chunk out of him away when he wasn’t looking. It felt weird asking a lady to be his bodyguard - of sorts - but she could throw _fire_. 

His heart fluttered slightly as the witch’s smile grew bright. A mischievous look was in her eyes. 

“You got a deal.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will edit stuff as we find out more about Eda's past. So if you re read this later and something has changed that's why.


	5. Eda's First Real Taste of the Human World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eda is settled in and Stan takes her around town. Slight shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA I'm back! Sorry this has taken so long. Romance is apparently hard to write but I'm not giving up on this story! The updates will probably still be slow coming since work is trying to kill me.
> 
> Thank you again to my wonderful beta reader Alverrann.

(“Wait isn’t Hooty your security system? Why couldn’t he just deal with things like he does now?”

“I was younger, Luz. I hadn’t even met King yet. Hooty wouldn’t happen until after this.”)

Stan watched as Eda paced back and forth waiting for her little owl friend to come back through the portal. It had been half an hour by that point. Boy if he didn’t sympathize; the owl might not be a twin brother, but it was obvious that Eda was close to him. Sending someone through a portal and wondering if you’ll ever see them again...it was enough to make Stan’s stomach feel a little queasy.

“I swear if Lily touches a feather on him...” Eda muttered as she looked at the clock on the wall for the twentieth time in the past five minutes.

“Lily, huh? You on a first name basis with the cops?”

Eda stopped pacing and looked at Stan wide-eyed. Apparently, she had said that thought out loud. Oops. Boy she needed a cup of apple blood.

“Yeah. Sure.”

Stan raised an eyebrow but didn’t push. There was more to the story there, but it wasn’t the time to make the witch extra on-edge. He wondered what sort of stuff she needed so badly. Clothes could be bought here so it had to be something from her world. The odd golden potion she’d downed the other day came to mind.

In the middle of his pondering a small shape carrying a suitcase fluttered out of the glowing portal and landed with a flop on the ground. Owlbert looked out of breath but hooted happily.

“Nice job!” Eda said as she scooped the little guy into her hands. Kneeling she investigated the messily packed suitcase. Winter clothes had been packed, and under a hat that looked like it had spider eyes on it Stan could see two bottles of yellow liquid.

_Interesting._

Eda could feel Stan’s nosy eyes on her and shut the suitcase. She stood and placed her tired Pailsman back on her staff to rest. “So, am I on the couch in that room?”

“Yeah. I got two beds in the attic along with a maze of junk I need to go through if you prefer that. Witches like cobwebs, right?” Stan asked with a dumb grin. Eda rolled her eyes.

“I’ll take the couch.” She lugged her suitcase over her shoulder and headed to the room.

“After you get your stuff put up, I want that burn fixed.”

Eda waved her hand in acknowledgment and Stan smiled. For some reason giving her a little bit of a hard time was fun; she didn’t take it so seriously like other people did. He placed what he figured she might need on the ground next to the charred wall and headed back to the kitchen. He needed to finish those mur-bears before starting another project. He _really_ needed to work on the portal or some of the math for it but that would have to happen at night when his unexpected guest was asleep. No need to be dragging that story out to a practical stranger. Depending on how long she took they could head out into the forest and get some searching done.

After about twenty minutes Stan heard some hammering and a few words he could only guess were witch-swears coming from the museum as Eda struggled with the work. He almost wondered if she’d burn the place down in frustration but after another half hour and a few worrying flashes of light the witch came back in with dust on her clothes.

“Have you ever heard of a feather duster, Human?”

“Hey, I'm a busy man!” Stan retorted.

“Whatever. The thing’s fixed.”

A quick inspection showed that her work was pretty good. You couldn’t tell the wood had been scorched. The spot looked nice. “Can I get ya to fix up the rest of the place?” He asked.

“I’m not a handyman; hire one yourself.”

Eda found herself enjoying throwing snark at this guy. He didn’t take it as seriously as some other people did. The place needed more help than she could give it anyway. Sure, she had a literal nest in her bedroom but the rest her house was clean.

“Welp! Now that I no longer need to try to explain what happened here to an insurance agent, we can get headed out for the day. Put on something warm.” The sun was shining again, and Stan wanted to take advantage of the nicer weather. Sure, it was still ice cold and there was a ton of snow on the ground, but the sunshine helped chase away the ache in his bones. He kind of liked Gravity Falls in the summer; it was a pretty place (or could be, if it wasn’t so weird) but the winters just sucked. Why couldn’t Ford have done his mad science stuff in Tahiti?

Eda’s winter getup was cute. A grey jacket and boots, but the probably-used-to-be-some-sort-of-spider hat threw off the ensemble. Stan was wearing his thickest clothes and boots. Eda watched as he packed a bag for the trip.

“What’s this?” She asked, holding up a large marshmallow.

“Pure sugar, but in a good way. Don’t eat them yet; we might need them.”

Stan got a chuckle out of her confused look and went to grab another bag of marshmallows just in case. When he returned his heart nearly stopped. Eda had picked up the gun he was going to pack and was staring at it.

“H-Hey, that ain’t no toy. Best put it down.” He let out a breath and she listened and put it down.

“You had that when I first got here. What exactly would it have done to me, huh?”

Stan grimaced and placed the pistol into his backpack. There were way too many times one had been pointed at him. He didn’t want to tell her, but he tried to imagine if he had been ignorant of what it did in any of those moments. The con man knew that he would have been dead by now. He motioned for her to follow him and she did. Locking the door behind them Stan walked into the tree line and pulled it out.

The sun made the fresh fallen snow sparkle. It was almost too bright. Eda took her first good look around this human forest. The isles had a few nice places, but it was mostly dark and gross. The air here was fresh, and the green of the trees stood in contrast to the undisturbed snow. The witch’s focus drew back to Stan as the … whatever-it-was glinted in his hand.

“First off, I hate these things. I really do. But I’m also not stupid. There are crazy things in these woods and sometimes a stick isn’t enough to fight them off. Cover your ears.”

Warily she did. Stan took aim at a tree a way off, turned the safety off, and fired. Eda jumped at the noise.

“It shoots thunder?” She asked, bewildered.

“Nah. Come look.” The bullet was nowhere to be found, but the tree bark on the side had been blown off. Stan pulled out another to show her. “It shoots these.”

Eda took the bullet in her hand and sniffed it. Her face scrunched up in displeasure.

“Bet it hurts like hell getting hit by one.”

“Trust me, it _does_ ,” Stan muttered before he could stop himself. Eda looked at him wide-eyed. “Okay, lesson over!” Stan said quickly. “Just let me handle this thing and you stick to magic, huh? Now that I know ya probably won't kill me, ya won’t ever have to worry about getting shot by me.” With that he turned the safety back on and stuffed it in his bag. He pulled out his map and marched to the car before Eda had a chance to question him further.

What would she do if other humans wanted to shoot her? She hoped it hurt less than getting your head chopped off.

With one last glace at the tree Eda followed her host. At least she did until he climbed into something large and red. Eda tapped it with her nail, and it gave out a metallic noise.

“What is this?”

“Ya don’t got cars where you’re from? How do you get anywhere?”

“Yes,” Eda said with a roll of her eyes, “I get nowhere with my magical flying staff.”

“Oh, right. Well, Doll, you’re in for a treat. Climb on in!”

The smile seemed genuine with a little bit of mischief glinting in Stan’s eyes, a far cry from a moment earlier. Sighing, Eda opened the side of the thing and sat on a leathery seat. The thing smelled old.

“All right. First, buckle up. If we go sliding, I don’t need ya suing me or something for whiplash.”

That certainly got Eda’s hopes up. She mimicked Stans motions and wrapped the black rope thing around her. He then inserted and turned a little piece of metal in the thing and it suddenly roared to life. The seat under Eda rumbled.

“She purrs like a kitten, huh?” Whatever this was, Stan was very proud of it.

He pulled at a lever and turned a wheel and the thing started to move. There was a breeze coming from a vent in front of her that steadily grew warmer, which was nice in the cold air. Stan flipped another switch and sound also started to come from the sides. There was static and then a smooth sounding song with some sort of horn playing. So, this is how humans got around? A little house of wheels. The same could be said for a carriage, but this had heating and apparently music.

“Let me know if Jazz ain’t your thing. Figured some easy listening might be nice.”

The music was soft and relaxing, so she didn’t complain. The occasionally jerky moments in the snow did make her want to complain. Once they reached what looked like a real road however it was a bit easier on the stomach. Beyond some of the trees Eda could see lights that looked like they belonged to a town not too far away.

“Oh, you don’t live in the middle of nowhere?” She teased.

“Well depends on who ya ask. You should see some of the cities here. Millions of people in one place. I’m pretty sure there aren’t even a million people in the state of Oregon. We’ll head into town later to get some stuff.”

“Organ? Like … are we talking like a lung or a heart here?” It hit Eda just how little she knew about this realm. It didn’t look like this place was settled on a large body like the isles was but maybe she was wrong.

“No, it’s- … ya’know, we’ll get back to that later.”

Stan veered the machine away from the town and deeper into a part of woods. They followed a path until it stopped at a line of thick trees. He turned the machine off and stepped out of it while wrapping his coat tighter around himself. Eda followed. The woods here looked even wilder than the ones by his house. There was a walking path to follow that veered into the darkness of the trees.

Stan placed his backpack on his back and armed with the metal detector and a heavily marked map started into the woods. He could see Eda eyeing the old metal detector with interest. What year was it back in witch demon land? No guns (lucky them, he supposed) and no cars.

“Whaddaya do to entertain yourself back home?”

“Read, cook, work, sometimes watch the crystal ball for whatever dumb mindless show they’ve got playing,” She responded while examining a large tree. Okay so she was a bit of a nature lover. At least she wouldn’t get too bored out here. Although he found the sniffing of random rocks a bit weird (maybe it was a witch thing?), he wasn’t gonna question it.

“What are we looking for, again?” She asked after about twenty minutes.

Oh, right.

“Stuff to put in the shack. Weird rocks and shit.”

“So that’s a weird rock finder?” She pointed to the metal detector.

“Well, you’re not entirely wrong. This thing finds metal. Ya wanna hear a secret?” He needed to tell her enough of the truth to be helpful at least.

“No promise on keeping it,” She teased.

“So there was this... scientist guy who lived here a few years back. They said he found a big treasure and wrote down how to get to it in a journal or two. I use these little trips to look for stuff and maybe those journals. So, keep your eye out for any good hiding places.”

“Do I get a cut of the loot?”

Stan let out a bark of a laugh. He’d say the same thing.

“Yeah sure.” Maybe he could talk Ford into a date with Eda or something if she wanted if they did manage to find something and get him back while she was here. Stan doubted it but it was a funny thought. A witch would be right up his twin’s ally and she’d have someone smart to talk magic stuff with. The mental image made him chuckle and then suddenly feel a little sad. He pushed the feeling away and kept walking. No time to process that right now. It was a dumb idea away.

Another thirty or so minutes passed in relative silence. Eda would occasionally ask about the types of birds they would see, but that was all the talking they did. It was nice. He needed to focus on his map anyway. As they covered ground, he crossed a section out. He was banking on the other journals being in some sort of metal container. Ford didn’t want the first one messed up, so there was no way he’d have left them to the elements. At least that was Stan’s guess.

So _much_ guesswork. He was putting together a puzzle of his brother’s life based on sporadic clues and a whole lot of assumptions.

His twin had no car to speak of and an immense amount of paranoia to boot. The other two journals had to be within a day's walk or so, Stan figured. Ford had no transportation to get farther and probably wouldn’t have wanted to leave the portal for too long. The books had to be somewhere within the general area of Gravity Falls. Otherwise, he’d never find them.

Suddenly there was feeling that went up his spine. Eda felt it too probably since she stopped dead. Stan pulled the metal detector headphones from his ears and listened. The only noise was the wind at first.

“Stan, do you get the feeling-?”

“We’re being watched. Yeah.”

It would be easy. They were sticking relatively to the hiking path to keep from getting lost. Large pine trees loomed over them and spread out ahead of them reaching the base of one of the mountains. Even in the bright sunny day there were plenty of shadows to hide in. Suddenly there was a crunching of pine and snow ahead of them. Eda snapped her fingers and a ball of flame appeared in her hand. Stan braced himself to run.

Around one of the trees there appeared a light. Like a fire. Then another. Finally, a third one appeared. They were close to the ground and moving slowly. Relived Stan let out a chuckle and relaxed. The small little campfires poked their body's from around a large rock in curiosity.

“What?” The fire in Eda’s hands died in her confusion.

“That’s what these are for!” Stan said with a large grin. He sat down his pack and the metal detector and pulled out the marshmallows. The little fires scurried over exactly.

Eda marveled at the little creatures in front of her. They were cute. Almost like fiery little spiders. They happily consumed the marshmallows. Stan took one and placed it on a stick and carefully held it a little bit over the fire. A few moments later he pulled it out and blew on it before offering it to Eda.

“Might still be a bit hot but you should try it.”

Eda carefully took the treat from stick and plopped in her mouth. It was sweet and gooey but good. She hummed out a note of approval as she chewed. Stan looked oddly thrilled.

“I’ll get stuff to make s’mores at the store since ya liked that. You’re gonna love s’mores!”

When Stan was happy, genuinely so, it’s like his whole being lit up. It was kind of adorable especially as he fed the little fire creatures that scurried around them. He played a tough guy, but Eda was starting to realize he could be as gooey as the thing she’d just eaten.

“So, what are they?”

“I don’t know. I just call them Spiderfires. I almost always run into them when I’m out here. I think they like me.” He said not even trying to hide the joy at the idea in his voice.

“Cute. We don’t have anything like this back home. Why don’t you take one home for your displays?” She asked. Kids would probably eat something like this up.

“I thought about it, but I can never convince one to come to the house and I have no idea how to catch one. Besides one would probably burn my house down. Not worth the trouble. Might try and make a fake one though.”

The little fires ate their fill of marshmallows and kept the two of them company as they continued the trail. Eda managed to play a halfway game of fetch with them. Throwing fireballs for them to catch but there was no real way from them to bring the fire back it just got absorbed into them. They enjoyed the chase anyway.

At some point Stan let out a sigh and looked at his watch. “Time to head back if we don’t want to be out here in the dark.”

The little fires only followed them back halfway before going back to wherever home might be. The sun was setting behind the ridge of a mountain as the two of them returned to the metal carriage.

“Okay we’re going to stop by the store. Keep that hat on wouldya?”

“What you don’t want people you’ve got a witch hanging out with you?” She teased.

“These people are used to a little weird, but I just don’t need to be explaining portals and other stuff like that to these folks. It might make their heads explode.” Stan let out a chuckle, but it was a bit too forced. Portals seemed to be a thing with Stan and Eda couldn’t figure out why. Sure, she had her secrets so he could too, but it was just weird.

The town was small. Certainly smaller than Bonesborough. The streets had a few cold people walking along them but was otherwise dead. The buildings were square with faded paint and signs that glowed in the dying sunlight. They pulled up to a place that had little drawn fruits and vegetables in the windows warm yellow light spilling out from the doors.

Stan went over the shopping list in his head. They could get in and out quickly if he just focused. Eda seemed curious about a few things here and there but didn’t straggle behind Stan too much. She even thew a few things that caught her eye into the cart. All of it was food so he wasn’t going to make a fuss. There was a bottle of nail polish she seemed to like, a deep red, but before she could slip it into her hair an older couple walked up to them. It was Mr. and Mrs. Duskerson. Guess even they needed to come to a full grocery store sometimes.

“Well, well Stanford! Who's the pretty lady with ya?” Pa asked.

“Oh, this is Eda. She’s uh stayin’ with me for a bit.”

The old married couple shared a quick judgmental look with each other that did not go unnoticed. Gravity Falls wasn’t as backwards as some of the places Stan had ended up stuck in but there were “conservative values” that all old folks seem to hold one too. An unmarried man and woman under the same roof? Oh, the inhumanity. It wasn’t like they saw gnomes in their trash on the regular why was this a big deal?

(“Wait a minute, wait a minute! Grunkle Stan you do know that the people around here did know about the weird stuff because they kept getting their minds erased right?”

“I know that now Dipper but back then I really just thought everyone just refused to talk about it and ignored it.

“Minds erased?”

“Longer story Doll but it does explain why some of the people around her are little goofier than normal. Anyway, Dipper stop interrupting!)

Stan tried his hardest not to roll his eyes.

“Well how long will your ahem _lady friend_ be in town?” Mrs. Duskerson’s voice was heavy with a snooty sense of superiority. The worst part was a few other people had noticed Eda and Stan together as well and were coming closer to say hi. Susan, Dan, Tyler, and one of the store workers were closing in with wide smiles on their faces. Why the hell were small town people so damn nosy?

“Lady friend? Please I’m a little more than just a friend. I’m his wife!”

“What?” Mr. And Mrs. Duskerson asked confused.

“What? I mean...yeah. It’s a uh long story?” Stan spared Eda a confused glance, but she just winked.

“Well, when did you two get hitched?” Susan asked as she parked her buggy next to them.

“Oh, a while ago. See I’m here as a last stich effort to save our marriage!”

Oh Moses.

She was a con artist just like him.

Stan stood dumb founded and a little impressed as Eda spun a tale about needing to find herself and exploring the wilder parts of the world. Everything was just vague enough that nobody could tell she wasn’t talking about places in this realm. Apparently, she had a bit of a showmanship side to her as well. Her stories of lost love and adventure drew more people in. Enough that Stan had ample opportunity to stuff a few things into his pockets he normally couldn’t get away with. Sure, when she eventually went back, he’d have to give them a spiel about getting divorced but that could win him some sympathy points he needed with a few of the townsfolk that didn’t like him.

By the time he made it back to her and the small crowd Mrs. Duskerson and Susan were dabbing their eyes with little handkerchiefs.

“Well, I wish you two the best of luck rekindling that flame.” Mr. Duskerson winked at Stan and he forced a smile back. He gently pushed Eda to the check out and them out to the car as fast as possible. There was a small moment of silence as they both climbed into the car. Then they both started howling with laughter.

“Did you see that I had them eating out of the palm of my hands!” Eda said with an actual cackle.

“Doll that was amazing! I should take you shopping with me all the time. I managed to swipe some good stuff while you distracted them. ‘The call of adventure and my love for him are at constant war with each other’ oh that was great.”

“Yeah, well I know those judgmental types. Figured I could get them off your back.”

“Well since you were so nice, I got ya a little thank you.” Stan pulled the nail polish Eda had been eyeing out of his sleeve. A wide smile crossed her face.

“Nice job. I could use your hands at the night market. We’d make a killing.”

The two of them swapped stories about their best pickpocketing on the way home. One nice chicken dinner and an expensive bottle of swiped wine later the two of them sat around a small campfire in the front yard. Stan showed Eda how to make s'mores and she ate them with delight.

“This is nice and exactly what I needed. This human realm is filled with some fun things that’s for sure.” Eda said content next to the fire.

“Meh it has it’s perks,” Stan said.

“Although...do you ever feel like...you’re being watched here? This place is nice but sometimes today I just felt...something.” Eda said with a wary look into the woods.

“Yeah, I do sometimes. I think it’s just the natural spookiness of the place. You get used to it.”

After the fire died down the two of them went inside. Stan tried to convince Eda to watch some TV but she gravitated to a pile of boxes had on the floor. They were filled with some of Ford’s old books and some recent stuff as well. He'd been meaning to drag all of that down to the basement.

“ _Physics of the Universe, Taxidermy for Dummies, Advanced Math and You_ these are some interesting titles,” She said with a snort.

“Hey, a man can better himself. If ya want to read something I think I got a few things for ya.”

He dug for a minute and pulled out two books, blowing a bit of dust from them. The first was an atlas of the world. A few years old at this point but it’s not like the shape of the world changed or anything. The other was an old copy of Treasure Island he had kept on him for years now. To his credit he meant to return it to the library he borrowed it from, but he had been chased out of the town before he got a chance. He’d reread it a million times by this point. Sometimes he just needed to escape into a story of sailing the seas and looking for treasure.

“Here if ya want to learn more about this place look at this. As for the story it’s like a classic here.”

“ _Treasure Island_? Like the title already. Night.”

Stan watched her go as she walked away her nose already in the book. Witch, con artist, adventure lover, and pretty to boot. He needed to be careful that was a bad combination of a lot of things Stan liked.

“Remember Pines,” he whispered to himself, “she’s only here for a short time and probably wouldn’t look your way twice normally.”

Eda curled up with the books Stan had handed her and Owlbert on her lap. It had been a really good day. Years of stress were already starting to melt off of her. Stan was nice despite the few odd things here and there. It had been so cute watching him feed those little fire creatures. The witch absent mindedly looked at the nail polish he had swiped for her. He didn’t need to do that, but he did. He had noticed. He really had no high expectations of her, and he didn’t judge her for anything like sniffing moss or swiping things. It had been a long time since she had been around someone who wasn’t looking down on her one way or another.

Eda drifted off the sleep in the middle of the book. Her last thought was something along the lines of Stan looking good in a pirate outfit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pulling a few things here and there from my own life with this story. I've been with my fiancé for 8 years. About three years ago we just started calling each other husband and wife when ever we were talking with older folks to avoid the old southern people judgement lol.


End file.
